Transformational Poetry

So, in reading Up Jim River by Michael Flynn, I came across an interesting analogy for translation:

"What a tangled path when we find these Emrikii," Sofwari said. "We have to think in Gaelectic, our earwigs will render that in the loora nuxrjes'r. Watershank will translate that into the tanga cru'tye, and Skins will translate that to murgãglaiz. Any rabbit of thought that makes it through that bramble will surely be skinned by then."

That's how I feel sometimes when I'm moving my poetry through its transformation from English to Old Norse - I wonder how much of the rabbit will come through the bramble patch unscathed and how it will be changed.

The poem I'm publishing today is an example of this process. I am giving you the original poem which is about a far more cruel transformation, followed by the Old Norse transformation with the usual word-by-word and prose-order translations.

***************************************************************** This poem is an extended metaphor. I leave it to the reader to puzzle it out.

On morning's light you'd go to let the fish come jump into your net and every one you could recall. No matter be they large or small You'd fish and each became a grain to think upon when morn brought rain to darken skies. You'd calmly set your bait, your hooks, and then your net. Your bait, your hooks, and then your net in high noon's warmth you'd always set to bring home more. And then compare with those you caught from everywhere and some you'd keep, still more you'd free to go back to the loving sea - For now the sea your net fills full with fish, to think upon and mull. With fish to think upon and mull until they overflow the hull of ship. And yet by night your seine unravels and by day your mein no longer pulls a net to give you fish, but rather pulls a sieve. And thus into the night you sail but fish no more, your nets have failed.

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And here it is after its transformation:

Old Norse Verses	Word-by-Word Translation	Prose Order Translation
Fald-dægi fiski róinn fyrir laxar glóinn ófut þín net þykku fiskum grípa upp kvikku; Hnykkjat bendu netja bustar fengsæll bretja aptr húgaðir hverjum hafs alriðinn hirðum.	Day-break fisher rowing for salmon glowing; you wove your net thick fish to catch quick. You pulled cords of nets hauling fish turn-upwards; after remembered every sea all-writhing herd.	Fisher at day-break rowing for gleaming salmon; you wove your tight net to catch quick fish. The nets' cords you pulled, hauling fish turned-upwards; After you recalled every writhing sea-herd.