Another Morguhn verse (or Two Couplets Revised)

Good morning! Last summer after my annual vacation at the Pennsic Wars, I wrote a post that has two couplets I wrote while on vacation. It is time for revision of these verses into a full verse.

The couplets with the translations I provided are as follows:

Verse One

haslaði á holm-gang
holinn-menn fyrir gull-hringr

Challenged (he) to holm-gang
bragging-men for gold-ring-the

Verse Two

röskar Morghun rauð-harr
ræti hamingja leitinn

brave Morguhn red-haired
rode (his) fortune seeking

When I looked at these couplets, I saw definite strengths, but considerable weaknesses in three areas: internal rhymes in the first lines, syllable counts, and inflections. These three are difficult, but can be overcome with practice. That caused me to revise these couplets and to expand them into a full verse. That verse follows.

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On Morguhn

Old Norse Verse	Word-by-Word Translation	Prose-Order Translation
Rǫskr Morguhn rauð-harr ræti auðna leitinn; létta skellihlátr lǫngun ofan ǫnda. Skora karpinn sverðum á sártíð fyrir dýrðum sjaufjald krúnas sinnum sló menn inni hǫsldala.	Brave Morguhn red-haired rode fortune seeking lightened roaring laughter longing up spirits. Challenged bragging swords to wound-hours for treasure; seven crown's times slew men in hazel-dale.	Brave red-haired Morguhn rode seeking (his) fortune; Roaring laughter lightened longing spirits up. Bragging swords (he) challenged to wound-hours for treasure; Seven times (he) slew men in the crown's hazel-dale.

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Kennings Used

karpinn sverðum > bragging swords > FIGHTERS
sártíð > wound-hours > BATTLES
hǫsldala > hazel-dale > LIST FIELD

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Comments

As always, I hope I got the grammar right. There are times when the inflections I use may be inadvertently incorrect. If you see a mistake, please let me know.

I keep coming back to this theme, The Legend of Morguhn, because it has some universal truths in it: chivalry, courtesy, prowess, and fate. I only know that these verities bear further consideration. If you have suggestions on different topics I can use to explore these ideas, please let me know through comments.

Finally, any other comments you have - questions, remarks, likes and dislikes - are very important to me. You can use the box below, or you can e-mail me.