Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Steff-granni (Stem-thin)

This is a revision. I want to make my poetry more grammatically correct as I go along, and I decided to take a few days to go over two or three recent verses and see if I can't make them "right".

The first is below, entitle "Steff-granni" after the first two words.  What you have is the original version, which was first posted on December 1.  It is followed by the revised verse. The meanings haven't changed, but, if I'm lucky, the grammar has improved.

On this one, I truly encourage those who know to give me corrections and take me to task. Part of the learning process, right?


Original Verse Revised Verse
Stef-grannr klofað stríðs-maðr
staðfastr á flaðgs-mór;
kyrtil gróm-lauss kongsgjøf
kompásað miðli stríðs-manns.
Folk-Tyr mattig (fagr-eygr)
(furu-rafir) krúnu
fara andvigr (fylgt hinn)
feginn-samligr (legg ást).
Stef-granni klofa striðs-maðr
ok staðfasti til flaðgar-mós;
kyrtill gróm-lauss kongs-gjøf
kompassar mitti striðs-manns.
Folk-Tyr mattig (fagr-eyga)
(furu-rafir) krúnu
ferr vega (hann fylgja)
fagnaðar (með ástum).

Line-by-Line Meaning Prose Order Meaning
stem-thin strides strife-man
and stedfast to the ogress-moor
Stainless belt the king's gift
compasses middle of strife-man.
Army-god mighty (fair-eyed)
(fir tree of amber) crown
goes to fight for (guide him)
joyfulness-filled (by love)
Stedfast stem-thin strife-man
strides to the ogress-moor;
The King's gift, a stainless belt
compasses the strife-man's waist
The army-Tyr goes joyfully
to fight for the crown;
the fair-eyed amber fir-tree
guides him by her love

Love It?  Hate It?
Am I Doing Better or Worse?

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